Feeling Invisible

 
I love every part of you intensely and uncontrollably and I can say that with a certinity I’ve never had for anything before in my life.

But when I become invisible to you that love disappears so far into the background it’s hard to hold on to, I will do everything I can not to hate you but it’s so hard when you look at me as if I was someone you’ve just walked past on the street and you vaguely remember meeting once or twice, it really hurts me when I can’t see that you love me.

I hate how pathetic and insignificant I feel when you talk to me the way you do when you’ve been drinking. And I’ve never asked you not to drink, I would never be that unreasonable. But when I beg you not to get drunk and you don’t listen, it feels as if you don’t care. If you did .. I wouldn’t have to beg you not to do something. Why would you get that drunk knowing that when you do, you treat me so badly, you make me feel hurt and invisible.

I would never make you feel like that by choice, if I became like that when I drank. I would never become that intoxicated around you, because I love you and I would always want you to feel valued and important to me.

I have pleaded with you not to do something and you still do it, that makes me feel so undervalued and so unimportant. I love every part of you the same except for when you’re not you anymore, when you don’t look and me and speak to me as if I’m the most valuable part of your life, when that disappears I find it difficult to look at you in the same way, when I know you can hardly look at me at all.

When you get drunk you’re not you anymore. Not the you I know and that I fell in love with, when you look at me with no kind of respect it hurts me to know I still love you when it feels as though you’ve forgotten that you love me.

It hurts me when you don’t care. And when you drink .. you no longer care. Although, when I’ve begged you not to get like that and you haven’t listened it’s hard to work out how much you cared in the first place.

I love you, but not the version you become after having an excessive amount to drink.