Resting Bitch Face

My resting bitch face is far more a reflection on you than it is on me.

If you think I look like I have an attitude problem, it’s because you’ve given me one. You see I have this slight problem, where I seem to have an ability to control the words that come out my mouth, but not the expression on my face.

This has its pros and cons … firstly, people will never have to question how I feel about them or whatever it is that they’re talking to me about, which is a huge pro, especially as I’m not the best person with all that emotion kind of stuff, so if I like someone, my eyes light up, I can’t stop smiling and overall I genuinely look engaged in everything they’re saying to me.

A massive con normally surfaces itself on first dates, if I find someone intolerable then my face will normally show just that, even when the words coming out of my mouth are very complementary. I have a real ability to look at someone as if they’re stupid when I don’t appreciate their presence.

People paint resting bitch face as a bad thing, as if it automatically means you have an attitude problem. But I have no problem smiling at the people I genuinely like.

And for the people I don’t like, well … I couldn’t really care less what you think. But at least my face has told you that I don’t like you, so now we can both go about our days with no confusion.

P.S did you also know that resting bitch face is a sign of intelligence, so when I look at you as if you’re stupid, it’s probably because compared to me you are.

Overcoming Jealousy

I just hope he starts to consider ‘us’ more frequently and talks to me  a lot more …

The fact that you can be jealous due to high self esteem and low self esteem is total news to me, but the more I’ve read up on it, the more I realise that I have a problem. If you find your self suffering from the green eyed monster, I am sure just like I have, you will find yourself asking what’s wrong with you. Let me begin by saying that jealousy is a normal emotion, just like anger (I mention that because they are both connected) it’s what coping mechanism we use, that will depict how the situation unfolds for us. If you’re like me you’ll just stop talking, or pout, in the hope that distancing yourself from your partner will actually make them want to pull closer to you. Well it doesn’t, which I am sure isn’t news to anyone. In fact it leads to them acting defensive and angry because normally, if it’s a situation you’ve created in your head then they wont be able to work out what they’ve done wrong. Overcoming jealousy is like changing any emotional reaction or behavior and it’s all going to start with realising there’s a problem.

The Stages of Jealousy:

• When your partner says something that triggers your anger/jealousy you can’t seem to put a lid on it, it will keep bubbling up inside of you until you argue and let it all out.
• You wan’t to put your point across in as many ways as possible to make them feel small.
• This one aspect that started this trigger of emotions has now bought up a million different issues/situations that have made you think they don’t care.
• As much as you want to talk to your partner like a normal human being, the mix of jealousy/anger just wont allow you to do so.
• You find yourself thinking ‘I don’t deserve to be treated like this, he/she should respect me more’
• You then begin to worry that you are pushing your partner away because you are constantly accusing them, but you just can’t help it.

Low Self Esteem Jealousy:

• You can’t understand why he/she loves you.
• You constantly need reassurance.
• You are always thinking your partner can and will do better.
• You are convinced that they find every person they talk to of the opposite sex attractive and has thought about sleeping with them.

High Self Esteem Jealousy:

• You find your self thinking ‘I don’t deserve this’
• You think you deserve your partners undivided attention 24 hours a day
• You are already thinking of how you will end things before they cheat
• You think they should only find you attractive and no one else, ever.

My Problem is …

I want my partner to put the same effort in with me as he did at the start, I want him to consider my feelings and start thinking about ‘us’ instead of just ‘him’ in situations that will concern the both of us. I know I suffer from jealousy because of anger, which is something I am going to try to work on. I find the longer I am in a relationship with someone the more jealous I get because I care and worry more, I worry because I think arguments will push him away and then he will find someone who doesn’t want to argue. I only argue because I care and I want him to understand me, I appreciate him and I love him, but my worry is that he will find someone that can do that minus the arguments. I constantly find myself thinking ‘I don’t deserve this’ when we argue and when I become angry due to the fact that I think of every scenario where he has put me or us second and his own want’s first. In a relationship I believe you should always consider the other person and it makes me angry when he doesn’t see things in the same way I do. But I believe if I work on how I deal with both my anger and Jealousy combined it will help how we deal with situations together.

TIP: I’ve signed up to #MarkTyrrell’s Pyschology course to help deal with my jealousy and anger within my relationship.

Is Stubbornness My Defence Mechanism?

I can openly admit to being a stubborn person. I feel the need to protect my opinions and my thoughts at all costs and not only this, when I am wrong admitting it seems to actually hurt my soul.
But be warned, being stubborn can ruin chances for you and it can also ruin relationships.

Try as I might to be open-minded and reasonable, I find it hard to take criticism. On an intellectual level, I understand there is no animosity from the individual who gives me constructive feedback, but I can’t help but experience an emotional reaction to it anyway, this brings me to the conclusion of my stubbornness just hiding my defensiveness.

Stubborn people are driven by a resistance to being forced into doing or experiencing anything against their will. I don’t want to go through the emotions I feel when I’m being criticised , so I make an excuse, and tell myself that I can’t be wrong and don’t need to change.

But I’ve figured something out …. the best way to reduce defensiveness in the long term is through creating a sense of self-worth. The more you value yourself, the less you will feel an instinctual “need” to protect your ego and I know I can say for sure that I always feel a need to protect myself.

But I’m trying to remember everyone makes mistakes, and everyone is wrong sometimes and when I find myself in situations where I am being stubborn or defensive unnecessarily then I need to remind myself it is ok to be wrong.

Listening to others side of the story of other opinions is very important. And listening is something I will find hard especially when I know it is going to lead to criticism.

Stubbornness and defensiveness are some of the worst, personality traits to have, yet they seem to be incredibly common. In fact, everyone experiences at least occasional instances of each (some people more than others) and I can openly admit to being one of these people.

But it’s something that can be worked on and I personally will be focusing on trying to better myself by reducing my shut down method of dealing with criticism.